Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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