you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
