If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
