My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
