Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
