nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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