So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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