Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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