Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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