This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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