Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
