It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
