The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
