dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
