I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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