distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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