Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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