he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
