omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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