All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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