OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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