At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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