What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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