I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
