I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
