Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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