Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
