so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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