My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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