we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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