im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
