i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
