How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
