Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You made out with two different species that night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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