your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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