hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
