Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
