Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
