The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My cat gives me a boner
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
