my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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