I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
