So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
