I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
