i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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