Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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