Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
