At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
