Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
