I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
