New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
