I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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