Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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