i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
